Anxiety can feel like a buzzing swarm in your mind, loud, constant, and hard to escape. When you’re tense, overwhelmed, or stuck in worry loops, it’s natural to reach for anything that promises relief. The problem is that many of the things we try in the moment end up feeding anxiety instead of calming it.
Anxiety can feel like a buzzing swarm in your mind, loud, constant, and hard to escape. When you’re tense, overwhelmed, or stuck in worry loops, it’s natural to reach for anything that promises relief. The problem is that many of the things we try in the moment end up feeding anxiety instead of calming it.
If you’ve ever wondered why your coping attempts don’t seem to help as much as you hoped, you’re not alone. People often fall into the same patterns without realizing it. Below are five common mistakes people make when trying to deal with anxiety, and what you can do instead.
1. Trying to “think your way out” of worry
Many people try to outsmart anxiety by overthinking. It feels logical, if you can just figure out the “right answer,” the worry will go away. But anxiety doesn’t respond to problem-solving the same way real-world problems do.
You might notice yourself:
- Replaying the same thought over and over
- Searching for reassurance
- Asking “what if” about every outcome
- Getting stuck in mental loops
The more you wrestle with the thought, the louder it becomes. Anxiety loves mental debates. It’s like trying to calm a buzzing hive by poking it.
A better approach:
Try shifting from solving the worry to noticing the worry. Instead of asking, “How do I stop this thought?”, try “What is this thought trying to tell me about how I feel right now?”
This softens the pressure and helps your nervous system settle instead of spinning.
2. Avoiding anything that triggers anxiety
Avoidance feels safe at first. You skip the party. You put off the email. You don’t drive on the freeway. You stop doing things that “set off” the anxious feeling. It brings fast relief, and that’s what makes it so tempting. But over time, avoidance teaches your brain that the things you’re avoiding are dangerous. Your world gets smaller and smaller. What once made you a little anxious now feels huge because you haven’t practiced facing it. A better approach: Start small. Pick one tiny step that feels doable instead of overwhelming. If social situations scare you, maybe the first step is replying to one message. If driving stresses you out, try sitting in the car for a few minutes without going anywhere. Small steps retrain your brain to feel safer, without pushing you too fast or too hard.3. Pretending you’re fine when you’re not
A lot of people hide their anxiety because they feel embarrassed or afraid others won’t get it. You might downplay your feelings, avoid talking about them, or try to “power through” on your own. This often leads to:- Bottled-up tension
- Emotional shutdown
- Feeling isolated
- Shame when the anxiety pops up again
4. Relying only on distraction
Distraction can help in short bursts, watching a show, scrolling your phone, cleaning, gaming, or staying constantly busy. It blocks anxious feelings for a moment, which can bring relief.
But if distraction becomes your only tool, it stops being helpful. You never get a chance to understand what’s underneath the anxiety. The feelings keep coming back because they haven’t been addressed.
It’s like turning up the radio to drown out a strange noise in your car instead of checking what’s causing it.
A better approach:
You can still use distraction, just pair it with something grounding or self-reflective.
For example:
- Spend a few minutes naming what you’re feeling
- Take a slow breath before switching activities
- Notice what triggered the anxious moment
- Put a hand on your chest and acknowledge your body’s reaction
This helps you tune into your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.
5. Expecting anxiety to go away instantly
One of the biggest mistakes people make is wanting anxiety to vanish immediately. When relief doesn’t happen fast, they assume they’re failing or that nothing will ever help.
This can lead to:
- Self-judgment
- Hopelessness
- Giving up on coping skills too early
- Feeling stuck
Anxiety doesn’t disappear all at once, it changes gradually as your mind and body learn new responses. Real progress often looks like:
- Shorter anxious episodes
- Gentler symptoms
- Feeling overwhelmed less often
- Recovering faster
- Fewer spirals
These shifts take time, patience, and steady support.
A better approach:
Celebrate small changes instead of waiting for a dramatic breakthrough.
Tiny wins, like noticing your anxiety earlier or calming down in five minutes instead of twenty, are signs that your system is healing.
What Helps Instead? Building a kinder approach
People often think coping with anxiety requires willpower, toughness, or “getting over it.” But anxiety usually softens faster when you approach it with patience rather than force.
Some grounding ideas:
- Slow your breathing instead of trying to stop the thought
- Ask yourself what you need instead of judging your feelings
- Try gentle exposure to things you avoid
- Notice patterns and triggers with curiosity
- Talk to someone who understands what you’re going through
And if you want support from someone trained to work with anxiety, therapy can help you build tools that fit your life and your personality, not a one-size-fits-all method.
At Thrive Hive Counseling, we help teens, young adults, and adults understand their anxiety, build coping strategies, and feel less overwhelmed. Your anxiety doesn’t define you, and you don’t have to face it alone.
